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$PEOPLE CRY DOING THEIR MATH HW??? Some of you never had to spend hours in the kitchen table crying as your dad shouts$

My kid: *helps decorate the Christmas tree* Me: All the other branches are struggling, but your branch is reporting strong numbers.

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How Batman managed to get some sleep during the day: No crime 8am-6pm

Dolly Parton at 77 and me almost half her age.

I have the memory mattress and the gravity blanket. Once I acquire the time pillow and duvet of truth, I can do the summoning.

Other people: I'm so sad summer's ending. Me: Santa's coming!

When I ask someone to wake me up early in the morning and they actually do it:

A short story about decisions

The Bratz clapback to the Barbie diss

How I look when I walk into a store and see Christmas decorations.

When dudes be like

The Snow White we really want

Me looking at myself in the little zoom box while someone else is talking

My 8th grade students were doing a budgeting activity pretending they were living out of a home on 00 a month. This was written on one: Please don't let me live on my own. I spent on asparagus.

When you're over 35 buying b**** and someone asks to see your ID

Just seen these in Aldi: Aldidas

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