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Pokemon evolution vs Digimon evolution

Dudes that are into cars are just the male version of horse girls. This easily one of the most accurate tweets ever. Horse Girls, Horse Power, Car guys

Pluto identifies as a planet

I sent my mom a video of myself where I look JUST like her and: Me: I look just like you lol. Especially here when I made that face in the beginning. Mom: Yes, but I had a husband at 28. Me: Goodnight.

Uber: Be prepared to meet Jesus outside. Did Uber Eats just threaten me???

Is 4 followers a lot? Depends on the context. In Instagram? Not at all. In a dark alley? Yes, a lot.

Humble enough to know I'm replaceable. C**** enough to know it's a downgrade.

My dad couldn't find Google Chrome so I did this

I am once again asking my sports team to back up my trash talk

When someone says the word

How much do you overthink? Me:

If I was Snow White, you'd never be able to k*** me with an apple. You'd have to p***** an eclair or something.

Why I want to go to New Zealand: Experience a different part of the world. Visit places that were cool before LOTR It IS FREAKING MIDDLE EARTH.

When my pet starts liking someone else too much: No! None of you can ever hold kitty!

Sorry for over-Cher-ing

Every 90s guy's first crush

Psychologist:

Me thinking about whether to be skinny or be happy

Finally found the perfect background for my zoom meetings.

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